He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize