So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
