Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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