she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize