so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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