just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my shit smells like andre
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
