he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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