i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
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I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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