My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
