my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
