you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
