bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
