People in love make me want to vomit
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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