last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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