but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
