Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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