my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
