Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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