She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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