I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
