Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
