he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
