she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
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Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
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Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME