Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...