Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.