So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.