i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
