I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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