I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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