He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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