The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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