sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
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You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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