You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
