i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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