apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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