Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
