I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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