i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
