I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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