She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
