I want to make a zoo with you.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
