Don't make out with my wife yet
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
