onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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