If that was your dad, he is hot
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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