I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
