I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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