She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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