I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
