Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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