My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible idea I love it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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