Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
