my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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