So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
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Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?