Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"