you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish