Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
